What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a serious issue that affects millions of people each year. It occurs when one partner in an intimate relationship tries to dominate and control the other through abusive tactics. While physical abuse may be the most well-known form, domestic violence can take many forms including emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, and digital abuse.

Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse

Domestic violence often begins subtly with warning signs that intensify over time. Being aware of these signs can help identify abuse early on:

• Extreme jealousy, possessiveness, or insecurity
• Explosive outbursts or anger
• Isolation from family and friends
• Making false accusations
• Constant criticism or insults
• Controlling finances or preventing employment
• Monitoring time, contacts, and whereabouts
• Threats of violence against the victim or others
• Damaging property or pets
• Intimidation or degradation
• Limiting access to transportation, phone, or internet

Types of Domestic Abuse

While physical violence in domestic abuse gets the most attention, abuse can take many forms. These include:

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse includes any intentional act causing injury or trauma to another person by way of bodily contact. Hitting, punching, slapping, burning, biting, hair pulling, and strangulation are some examples. Physical abuse also includes denying medical treatment and forcing drug/alcohol use.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse involves non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, and stalking. The cumulative effect of emotional abuse can result in trauma and have severe psychological consequences.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is any action that pressures or coerces someone to do something sexually they don’t want to do. Marital rape is one form of sexual abuse.

Digital Abuse

Digital abuse involves using technology like texting and social media to bully, harass, stalk or intimidate a partner. Tactics may include excessive messaging, publicly shaming, image-based sexual abuse, tracking geolocation, or controlling social media accounts.

Financial Abuse

Financial abuse encompasses controlling behaviors that restrict a partner’s ability to acquire, use, and maintain financial resources. This can include preventing employment, limiting funds, exploiting assets, damaging credit, or stealing identity.

Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse involves using words to consistently humiliate, criticize, insult, demean, threaten, blame or yell at someone. Speaking from a position of power, verbal abuse is different than bickering or heated arguments between partners.

Cycle of Violence

Domestic violence often follows a predictable cycle consisting of tension building, abuse, reconciliation, and calm. This three phase cycle becomes more frequent and dangerous over time.

1. Tension Building – Stressors lead to conflict that creates tension between partners.
2. Acute Violence – Tensions escalate into verbal, emotional, physical, sexual and/or financial abuse.
3. Reconciliation – The abuser apologizes, gives excuses, or blames the victim for provoking the abuse.
4. Calm – The abuser acts like the abuse never happened while the victim feels relieved, hopeful, and forgiving.

Over time, the periods of calm become shorter and the abuse worsens. Victims may be trapped in the cycle of violence, ashamed to admit abuse, and falsely hopeful their abuser will change.

Who is at Risk for Domestic Violence?

While no group is immune, certain factors increase risk of domestic violence:

• History of abuse as a child
• Marital instability and conflicts
• Economic stress
• Social isolation
• Emotional dependence and insecurity
• Unemployment or financial dependence

Domestic violence affects people regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, or socioeconomic status. However, women are 5 to 8 times more likely to be victimized by an intimate partner.

Long-Term Effects of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence has short and long-term emotional, psychological, and physical effects. Victims are at higher risk for:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Low self-esteem
• Sleep disturbances
• Eating disorders
• Substance abuse
• Suicidal behavior
• Chronic pain
• STDs
• Unwanted pregnancy

Children exposed to domestic violence also experience long-term consequences like increased risk of mental health issues, substance abuse, health problems and future victimization.

Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Ending an abusive relationship is extremely difficult and dangerous. Barriers preventing victims from leaving include:

• Fear of retaliation
• Lack of financial resources
• Nowhere to go
• Fear of losing child custody
• Lack of support system
• Guilt about failure of relationship
• False hope for change
• Love for their partner
• Isolation from family/friends
• Cultural or religious reasons
• Immigration status concerns

On average, victims make 7 attempts at leaving before finally escaping abuse. Each situation is unique and victims must make their own decision on when and how it is safest to leave.

Getting Help for Domestic Violence

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available through confidential hotlines, shelters, counseling services, legal advocacy, and support groups.

• Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text LOVEIS to 22522
• Find a local domestic violence agency through the Domestic Shelter Search
• Work with an advocate to create a personalized safety plan
• Obtain a restraining order from local law enforcement
• Seek counseling from a domestic violence specialist
• Locate legal help through Legal Aid or a WomensLaw.org search
• Ask about emergency shelter options if you need to escape immediately

The most dangerous time is when leaving an abusive relationship. Be cautious, seek help from professionals, and know that you deserve to feel safe, respected, and free from abuse.

How Friends and Family Can Help

As a friend or family member, you can make a big difference in helping someone experiencing domestic violence:

• Listen without judgment and offer your support
• Remind them the abuse is not their fault
• Avoid pressuring them but share your concerns
• Help them connect to local resources and hotlines
• Offer a place to stay if they decide to leave
• Keep their location confidential for safety
• Check in with them often after leaving the relationship
• Encourage them to consider a safety plan
• Drive them to appointments for legal aid, housing, counseling
• Avoid direct confrontation with the abuser

Let the person know you care about them and they don’t deserve abuse. Reassure them they have options and there are people ready to help.

Legal Protections and Options

Various legal remedies exist to help protect domestic violence victims and prevent further abuse. These include:

Restraining Orders – Victims can request a restraining order from local law enforcement requiring the abuser to stay away and cease contact. Types include emergency protective orders, temporary restraining orders, and permanent orders.

Child Custody – Victims with children should consider child custody issues if leaving a relationship. They can request emergency temporary custody until a court order is in place.

Divorce – Victims may want to contact a divorce lawyer to understand options for legal separation and child custody. Many states consider domestic violence grounds for divorce.

Immigration Options – Undocumented victims qualify for certain protections like U visas and VAWA self-petitions to gain legal status independent of an abusive spouse.

Housing Assistance – The Violence Against Women Act provides protections against housing discrimination for domestic violence victims.

Workplace Rights – Employees experiencing domestic abuse are entitled to time off for legal matters, counseling, relocation and other needs.

Financial Assistance – Government programs exist to help domestic violence victims with housing, medical bills, legal services, childcare, and other expenses.

The Role of Law Enforcement

Law enforcement plays an important role in responding to domestic violence calls and enforcing the law. Police have a duty to:

• Respond promptly to investigate domestic disturbance calls
• Determine the predominant aggressor in an altercation
• Make arrests when warranted based on evidence
• Connect victims to local resources and shelters
• File reports to establish a record of abuse
• Assist victims in obtaining restraining orders
• Enforce court ordered restraining orders

Many jurisdictions have mandatory arrest laws in domestic violence cases. However, victims have the right to decline involvement with the criminal justice system for safety reasons or personal choice.