How to Handle Social Media During Your Divorce: Do’s and Don’ts

How to Handle Social Media During Your Divorce: Do’s and Don’ts

Going through a divorce can be an incredibly difficult and emotional time. With social media being such a big part of most people’s lives these days, it can be tempting to vent your feelings online or even dig for dirt on your soon-to-be ex. However, experts warn that what you post on social media during divorce proceedings could come back to haunt you. Here are some do’s and don’ts for handling social media wisely while you’re getting divorced.

The Dangers of Oversharing on Social Media

It’s totally normal to want to vent about what you’re going through during a divorce. After all, it’s an incredibly stressful time! But oversharing on social media during a divorce is not a good idea. While it may feel good to vent, and wanting to do so is normal, opposing counsel may print out social media posts for submission as #TrialExhibitNumber1.

How Can Social Media Affect a Divorce? The truth is that a good family law attorney is going to Google clients’ names at the start of any divorce proceeding. The result will likely show all of the party’s social media accounts including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok.

Emotions run high during a divorce and often social media posts are placed into the hands of attorneys, custody evaluators, vocational evaluators, and judges. Parties must remember that in a divorce, they are under a microscope.

In light of this, we offer the following dos and don’ts to clients who are in the divorce process:

Handling Social Media During a Divorce

DO:

• Privatize social media accounts.
• Change passwords for all social media accounts.
• Consider completely discontinuing posting on social media during the divorce process.
• Remember that nothing shared online is truly private.
• Maintain respect when speaking about your ex.
• Focus on the future and moving forward.

DON’T:

• Post details about the divorce proceedings.
• Make accusations against your ex.
• Share information that could be used against you.
• Post questionable, illegal, or immoral content.
• Use social media to stalk your ex.
• Share details about your dating life.

It boils down to using common sense. Think twice before posting anything negative or controversial. And if you have any doubts, it’s better to just refrain from posting during this sensitive time.

How Social Media Can Be Used Against You

Here are some of the ways your own social media activity could potentially be used against you during divorce proceedings:

• Evidence of Adultery – Posts, photos, messages, and check-ins showing you engaged in an extramarital affair.
• Questionable Parenting – Photos or posts depicting you drinking excessively or engaging in illegal drug use.
• Hiding Assets – Posts that contradict your reported income or lifestyle.
• Badmouthing Your Spouse – Negative posts about your ex could call your character into question.
• New Relationship – Posts or photos proving you’ve moved on to a new relationship before the divorce is finalized.

In some states, adultery can impact alimony. Furthermore, social media evidence could influence child custody arrangements if it paints one parent in a negative light. Basically, anything you post could potentially be used as evidence, even if it seems harmless to you.

Should You Delete Social Media Accounts During Divorce?

Some divorce attorneys may advise deleting your social media profiles entirely during the divorce process. However, deleting accounts can also raise red flags. Your spouse’s divorce attorney may argue that you deleted accounts to hide evidence of inappropriate behavior.

Rather than deleting accounts altogether, it may be wiser to do the following:

• Make accounts private so only approved friends can see posts.
• Remove your spouse and their family/friends as followers.
• Review and delete any old posts/photos that could be used against you.
• Disable location tagging and be cautious about checking into places.

Essentially, you want to exercise caution about what you share and who can see it. Limiting past posts, followers, and privacy settings can help prevent your social media presence from being used against you.

How to Protect Yourself on Social Media

Here are some tips to keep your social media presence divorce-proof during separation and divorce proceedings:

• Don’t vent – Avoid posting anything negative about your spouse or the details of your breakup. Vent to a trusted friend instead.
• Don’t delete – Deleting past posts could backfire. Just tighten privacy settings instead.
• Think twice – If you have any doubts about a post, don’t share it!
• Be vague – Share less details and information during this time.
• Privacy check – Double check that posts are visible only to approved friends.
• Google yourself – Search your name to see what comes up and adjust settings accordingly.

Essentially, exercise caution and common sense when using social media until your divorce is finalized. Avoid posting anything questionable that could jeopardize your case.

Social Media Posts Used in Real Divorce Cases

Think minding your social media presence during divorce is unnecessary? Here are some real life examples of how a spouse’s social media posts impacted the outcome of divorce proceedings:

Adultery and Custody Disputes

In 2010, a woman in New York lost custody of her children to her ex-husband after the court learned she was having an affair. The evidence? Photos and comments she posted on Facebook and MySpace that proved the affair while still married.

The judge ruled that the children would be in better hands with the father. This case goes to show that what you post on social media could have very real implications if brought before a judge.

Disparaging Comments

A Washington woman was denied her request for an increase in alimony when her husband’s attorney presented Facebook posts in which she referred to her ex using derogatory terms. She also posted negatively about needing money from him.

The judge ruled that her comments showed she didn’t need more alimony. This demonstrates how badmouthing your ex online can backfire in court.

Hiding Assets

In a 2014 case, a woman was ordered to pay $50,000 of her ex-husband’s attorney fees after the court learned she lied about her income on financial affidavits. How did the court find out? Her Facebook posts painted a lifestyle of expensive vacations and shopping sprees that didn’t match up with her reported income.

The judge ruled that the ex-wife knowingly misrepresented her income and assets. Her own social media posts provided the evidence against her. Always be truthful when disclosing financial information during divorce proceedings.

Should You Post About Your Divorce on Social Media?

Generally, it’s wise to avoid airing the details of your divorce online. Venting may feel cathartic in the moment, but it could damage your case down the road. Before posting anything, ask yourself:

• Could this post be used as evidence against me?
• Is this information I would want a judge to see?
• Could this portray me in a negative light?

If the answer to any of those questions is “yes,” it’s best not to share that information publicly. Remember, what you post online is out of your control once it’s out there.

When Is It Okay to Post?

There are a few scenarios where posting about your divorce may be harmless:

• Vaguebooking: Posting vague statements like “Going through a tough time right now,” without specifics.
• Inspirational quotes: Quotes can help you heal without divulging details.
• Relationship status change: Simply changing your status to “single” or “divorced.”
• Announcing split: A simple post saying you and your spouse have separated or divorced.

The key is keeping it vague, positive, and not disparaging your ex. Some general venting to trusted friends over private messages is fine too.

Social Media Tips for Single Parents

For divorcing parents, extra caution should be taken with social media during custody disputes. Anything questionable could impact your custody arrangement. Some tips:

• Don’t post photos using alcohol or drugs.
• Don’t post pictures of your child in dangerous situations.
• Don’t badmouth your co-parent online.
• Don’t post details about your dating life.
• Review tagged photos of yourself for inappropriate content.

Essentially, present yourself as a responsible, together parent online. Avoid oversharing details about your social life as well.

Consult an Attorney Before Deleting Accounts

If you’re considering deleting social media accounts during divorce, it’s wise to check with your divorce attorney first. In some cases, deleting accounts could be considered destruction of evidence. Your attorney can advise you on the best legal strategy regarding your online presence.

Every divorce situation is unique. What’s wise in one case may not be the best approach for another. So get professional guidance to protect yourself on social media.

The Takeaway

Divorce takes an emotional toll, but resist the urge to overshare online. Nothing posted is private, and your activity could affect the outcome of your case. Take precautions like tightening privacy settings, deleting questionable posts, and thinking carefully before posting anything divorce-related.

Social media can provide comfort and connection during this difficult transition. But it also requires extra caution. Always consult your attorney if you have any doubts about what you share online during divorce proceedings.